Today, I'm 23

Today, I’m 23. I’m usually not one for reminiscing on time passed since last birthdays, but I'm gonna make an exception.

A year ago tomorrow, I received my last graduate school rejection letter, this one from UCLA. I wasn’t surprised since I didn’t even get into what I thought was my safety school, but was understandably disappointed. Four months, one appeal and countless persistent phone calls later, I found out I was granted admission to UCLA while on board a yacht off the Galapagos Islands.

In the past year, I graduated college, had my heart broken, got into grad school, traveled to South America, left the best job I’ve ever had and moved to Los Angeles.

Damn.

In the past year, I've stood at the metaphorical fork in the road, anxiously waiting for a reason to choose one path over the other. Soon after my excitement of being admitted to UCLA passed, a feeling of trepidation came over me. As exciting as this new chapter was going to be, I found myself caught between resisting change and embracing it. Leaving the home and work and friends and LIFE I knew to venture into this unknown new life was daunting, but ultimately necessary.

In the past year, I've learned a lot about myself, the kind of person I am and the kind of person I want to be. I've realized that it takes losing something you desperately wanted to discover how far you’re willing to push yourself to get it. I've realized that lying to yourself about how you feel about someone isn't fair to either one of you. I've also realized that it’s damn near to impossible to have a social life when you’re in grad school.

So today, I’m 23, and looking forward to everything this next year has to offer.

Now What?

I realize I've been neglecting my blog for some time now, and according to my Google Analytics account, people have actually been consistently stopping by (I know, weird right?) so I thought I might indulge the few readers I've got (hi mom!) and give an update:

I graduated from college about a month and a half ago. It feels really strange to say I've graduated, let alone over six weeks ago. Honestly, besides not attending classes everyday or studying for tests, it doesn't feel much different - I feel like I'm on an extended vacation in which I work everyday (not too sure what kind of vacations I've been on).

In the last couple of months, I've come realize that not everything I plan for is going to happen. Since I can remember, my future plans have always followed a natural progression - elementary school, middle school, high school, college; I've always known my next step. For the first time in my life, I can't tell you where I'll be in a year. Or half a year. Or even in a few months. I'm playing the waiting game.

And to be honest, it's a little scary.

And to be even more honest, it's a little exhilarating.

Yes, my future is up in the air right now, and waiting for a decision on my grad school admissions appeal is daunting, but at this moment, there's nothing I can do to expedite the process. Maybe I'll find out today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe a week or month from now (but hopefully not that long).

Maybe I'll go to grad school in the fall. Maybe I'll have to reapply next year. No matter what the decision is, I have a really good feeling that everything's going to work itself out. Why worry about something you ultimately have little control over? I've decided to live in the now. And the now is pretty damn good.

A Philosophical Quandary

I'm not much of a philosophical thinker, but lately I've been in situations where I've found myself asking: Is it always more appropriate to be reasonable rather than emotionally impulsive?

Socrates thought so. Being an analytical person by nature, I can't help but agree with him - if we let emotion be the primary factor in our decisions, we would find ourselves making more mistakes and being more regretful of past decisions. Taking the time to weigh the pros and cons of decisions and understanding the consequences of each will almost always lessen the probability of a regrettable choice.

I realize that not everyone is like me, and there are some people who wear their emotions on their sleeves and some who have quick tempers. My advice to those people - no matter how much emotional involvement you have in a certain situation, or no matter how heated an argument gets, try as hard you can to be respectful and keep your cool. I know that it is easier said than done, and I've been guilty of letting my emotions get the best of me and letting an argument get out of control, but I've noticed that I've felt better with myself when I've kept my cool and stuck to being rational.

Now I'm not saying that every single decision you make needs to be based on reason, because if that were the case people would spend more time deliberating than actually following through with an action (like ordering ice cream, it's not really a life or death decision). Being spontaneous and impulsive once in a while is exciting and might lead you to try things you never thought you would. However, when it comes to important decisions (college, career, relationships, etc) or social conduct, reason should be at the core of your decision making.