Now What?

I realize I've been neglecting my blog for some time now, and according to my Google Analytics account, people have actually been consistently stopping by (I know, weird right?) so I thought I might indulge the few readers I've got (hi mom!) and give an update:

I graduated from college about a month and a half ago. It feels really strange to say I've graduated, let alone over six weeks ago. Honestly, besides not attending classes everyday or studying for tests, it doesn't feel much different - I feel like I'm on an extended vacation in which I work everyday (not too sure what kind of vacations I've been on).

In the last couple of months, I've come realize that not everything I plan for is going to happen. Since I can remember, my future plans have always followed a natural progression - elementary school, middle school, high school, college; I've always known my next step. For the first time in my life, I can't tell you where I'll be in a year. Or half a year. Or even in a few months. I'm playing the waiting game.

And to be honest, it's a little scary.

And to be even more honest, it's a little exhilarating.

Yes, my future is up in the air right now, and waiting for a decision on my grad school admissions appeal is daunting, but at this moment, there's nothing I can do to expedite the process. Maybe I'll find out today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe a week or month from now (but hopefully not that long).

Maybe I'll go to grad school in the fall. Maybe I'll have to reapply next year. No matter what the decision is, I have a really good feeling that everything's going to work itself out. Why worry about something you ultimately have little control over? I've decided to live in the now. And the now is pretty damn good.

What If?

It seems like a lot of people I know have been asking an unusual amount of "what if" questions lately.

Which got me to thinking.

The way I see it, there are two types of "what if" questions: the kind that spark our curiosity and lead us to discover things we never thought possible. The kind of "what if" questions that Thomas Edison and Steve Jobs asked. The kind that make us think outside the box.

And then there's the other kind.

The kind that cause us to doubt our decisions and self-sabotage. Unfortunately, this is the type of "what if" question I've been hearing a lot these days.

"What if my relationship doesn't last?"
"What if I don't get into my top choice?"
"What if I can't do it?"

I'd be lying if I said I've never hesitated before making a decision, much less an important one. I mean, that's normal. I might even go so far as to say it's RECOMMENDED. The problem arises when we let our uncertainty overpower us because of our fear of failure. After all, if you never jump you'll never fall, right?

But what's the fun in that?

The worst that could happen is, yeah, turns out you weren't meant to be with someone, or you don't get into the school of your choice or you don't succeed. Sometimes things don't happen the way we want them to. But, on the bright side, you can say you TRIED. You put yourself out on a limb, knowing full well that it might break, and that's something to be proud of. Congrats to you! And hopefully even if it does break, it won't stop you from trying again. And again. And again.

Journey once told me "don't stop believing." I think they might have been on to something.

Reminiscent Pubescent Posts

The last classes I will ever take as an undergrad began this week, which just seems completely ridiculous to me, since I feel like it was just yesterday when I moved in and did the freshman dash to unfamiliar buildings on campus. It seems that when you're nearing towards the end of anything, you tend to look back on how it started. Thinking about the beginning of undergrad led me to think about the end of high school, which in turn caused me to think about the beginning of high school, bringing me to the topic of this post...

Back in the days of early high school, online journals were just starting to get popular (Livejournal, Xanga, etc). I recently looked up my old Xanga and found quite a few posts that made me shake my head at my younger, awkward, naive self, and I've decided to share a few memorable ones:

Sunday, June 13, 2004

We went to my house and waited untill dark to go out on the blvd and creep people out. How you ask? We wore all black with our hair in a hat, and wore sunglasses-with flashing lights on them. It was soooo creepy but fun!

Monday, July 12, 2004

I got kicked out of an elvis riot!!! Ya there was this HUGE stage and tons of people were crowded around it and everyone was getting kinda roudy. Well obviously too roudy because a bunch of security guys came and started pushing people out!! Well I wasn't gonna give up, so I kept trying to get closer to the stage, but then some stupid security guard stepped infront of me and a bunch of people and pushed us out!!! The nerve of some people!! Trying to ruin people's fun....anyway that was fun still.....

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Christine and I are making a movie, "In the Village of Darkness Falls Lays the Ring in the House on Haunted Hill". If you haven't already guessed, it's a horror movie. My brother just got new movie software stuff so we'll see if it will be better than our 1st movie, "International World of Spies" which was actually quite good.

Saturday, August 07, 2004

Yesterday we were about to watch Euro Trip (the unrated version), when Patty saw what was on the main menu and turned it off. I don't really care because Katie said that when her brother went to see it, he told her NEVER to watch it. Hmmmm...

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

So we went to Disneyland on Sunday and it was fun......but something was off. It seemed like everywhere we went, there were goths. Now I'm not against gothic people, but there were at least 200 of em....everywhere I looked they were there. And then when Christine and I were eating lunch, a huge group of them were walking down the street singing, "Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me..." well besides that Disneyland was fun

Saturday, September 04, 2004

getting a cell phone soon, I finally convinced my mom that the bus is a dangerous place and that I need a cell phone, so that's cool.

Monday, December 27, 2004

Anywho, so on the way back we gave Killian the 2 pills and he didn't sleep, but he was really...zoned out, he reminded me of a drunk person....swaying around, and when he went to pee he fell over...teeheehee...

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Katie and I were walking down to wait for her dad, and we were going by the gym....and then we saw shadows on the ground and thought, "hey, there's a lot of dust in the sky" and before Katie could say anything, I said, "Oh my god!! Look!!" and it turned out that there was a HUGE swarm of bees above us!  People were screaming and running, and we didn't know which way to run because they were EVERYWHERE!!! So we ducked as low as we could and then ran towards the street, and when we looked back they were almost gone.....No one was hurt...well, WE weren't hurt....it was pretty crazy.....

Saturday, May 28, 2005

There was a crowd of people around the scene, and it turned out that a car crashed into the sidewalk and caught on fire! I didn't get any pictures of the car on fire, but I took some of the firefighters hosing the car off. Selfishly, I was excited to see a burned, dead body, but strangely there was no one in the car.... Another strange part of this whole thing was that the car infront of the burned one was completely undamaged, as was the one behind it. The license plate also said "Mafia" which was also suspicious

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Christine was telling me about this guy she knows that is constantly high, and that I probably wouldn't find anything to talk to him about. Well, he was fun to talk to, considering the fact that he kept saying how his legs felt like Jello.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Well, they kept hitting the birdie over the fence into the road, so I finally took it away from them. When that happened, they started hitting me with their raquets. Well I couldn't stand for that. I took their raquets and put them in the shed. The smaller one came up to me while I was closing it and said, "When you leave, we're gonna go in there and steal all your stuff." After hearing that, I said, "Well if you, I'll see you, and when you're in there, I'll lock you in, and no one will hear you scream."

Saturday, December 24, 2005

P.S. I LOVE CHRISTMAS. I got 13 mood rings. And it's only Christmas Eve. Sweeeeeeeet.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Wow. I just had a swig of Southern Comfort and let-me-tell-you, it's really uh....strong. I took a sip and it burned my throat and made me cough. Gah. Don't try it.

To My Friends and Family

Happy New Year everyone!

As the new year begins, most people reflect on the past year and resolve to improve certain aspects of their lives in the coming year. Some of the most popular new year's resolutions include:

- Spending more time with family
- Exercise more
- Lose weight
- Quit smoking
- Enjoy life more
- Quit drinking
- Get out of debt
- Learn something new
- Help others
- Get organized

(source: http://pittsburgh.about.com/od/holidays/tp/resolutions.htm)

While these are all good resolutions, and I admit to using some of them in previous years, this year I decided to really, REALLY think about one thing that I would like to improve upon, and while I was in the shower, it came to me. It's really a two part resolution, but they are definitely interconnected.

Resolution Part One: Stop Spending Time With the Wrong People

This is a problem I didn't even know I had until a few days ago. I started to realize that I often go out of my way to allocate time for people who are either too busy to make time for me or don't value the time they have with me in the first place. I read somewhere that if someone wants you in their life, they'll make room for you, and you shouldn't have to fight for a spot, which is something I completely agree with. If the people you make an effort to spend time with don't reciprocate, then they probably don't deserve it.

Which brings me to the next part of my resolution.

Resolution Part Two: Start Spending Time With the Right People

Low and behold, this is also a big problem for me, but not one I wasn't already aware of. I'm terrible (like, terribly terrible) at making time for the people in my life that really matter, which is ridiculous. Why wouldn't I make time for people who I genuinely enjoying spending time with, who love and appreciate me and always push me to do things that I'm passionate about? People who pick me up when I'm not feeling my best or stick with me even when I'm being a pain?

These people are the ones who make us feel more alive, and not only accept who we are now but also who we want to be, unconditionally. These are the people who are really deserving of our time, so why is it so hard for us to give it to them?

I think the main reason is because we get so caught up in everything that is happening in our lives that the genuinely important things get lost in the shuffle, which is an unfortunate but often true fact.

With that being said, friends and family, I resolve to make more time for you because you are the ones that really deserve it.

"I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar."

                                                                    - Robert Brault