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Friday, September 23, 2011

You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?

Chronic complainers.

Now, I know this may come off as hypocritical, after all, I am about to complain about people who complain, but hear me out.

I believe it's healthy to complain once and a while, and we all know a good vent is definitely necessary sometimes. I'm talking about the people who ALWAYS complain about EVERYTHING.

See, there's really 3 types of people:
The Optimist: sees the glass half full.
The Pessimist: sees the glass half empty.
The Chronic Complainer: sees a glass that is slightly chipped holding water that isn't cold enough, probably because its tap water when I asked for bottled water and wait! There's a smudge the rim too, which means the glass wasn't cleaned properly and now I'll probably end up with some kind of virus and -

STOP. Please, just stop. 

As I'm sure most of you internet savvy readers are aware, there's actually a website (probably more than one) designed specifically for this last type of person:

www.whitewhine.com 

Anyway, I just want you frequent whiners to STOP IT! I know it's difficult, but please keep your moaning and groaning to a minimum - I'm sorry that you had to wait in line for 20 minutes at Starbucks and that your incredibly advanced and expensive smartphone is taking FOREVER to load the internet, but I don't see this as something that should ruin your day. 

You're alive, you're not starving or homeless or whoring yourself out for money (well, at least I hope you aren't) so stop complaining about little things that won't even matter in a day (or hour). Go watch Hoarders or Intervention or one of those other A&E shows that make you feel better about your life and stop complaining. :)

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Murder Runs in the Family

So, while researching my family lineage, I found an article detailing the massacre of a mother and children carried out by a psychotic father. It dates back more than 100 years, but I found it fascinating, and the people murdered (and those who survived) are most likely distant relatives of mine (after all, our last name is fairly uncommon). I'd like to think this somewhat explains my fascination with serial killers and the grotesque, but let's face it - this is WAY out there.

The following account of the massacre is from the Portland Gazette of July 14, 1806, and was reprinted across the nation.

HORRID MURDER.
AUGUSTA (KENNEBECK) July 11.
At an early hour on Wednesday morning last, the inhabitants of this town were alarmed with the dreadful information, that Capt. James Purinton, of this place, in cold blood, had murdered his wife, six children, and himself. His oldest son, with a slight wound, escaped, and his second daughter was found desperately wounded, and probably supposed dead by the father.

Between the hours of 2 and 3 a near neighbour, Mr. Dean Wyman, was awakened by the lad who escaped, with an incoherent account of the horrid scene from which he had just fled; he, with a Mr. Ballard, another neighbour, instantly repaired to the fatal spot, and here, after having lighted a candle, a scene was presented which beggars all description. — In the outer room lay prostrate on his face, and weltering in his gore, the perpetrator of the dreadful deed — his throat cut in the most shocking manner, and the bloody razor lying on the table by his side — In an adjoining bed room lay Mrs. Purinton in her bed, her head almost severed from the body; and near her on the floor, a little daughter about ten years old, who probably hearing the cries of her mother, ran to her relief from the apartment in which she slept, and was murdered by her side — In another apartment was found the two oldest and the youngest daughters, the first, aged 19, dreadfully butchered; the second desperately wounded, reclining with her head on the body of the dead infant 18 months old, and in a state of horror and almost total insensibility — In the room with the father, lay in bed with their throats cut, the two youngest sons, the one 8, the other 6 years old — And in another room was found on the hearth, most dreadfully mangled, the second son, aged 12; he had fallen with his trowsers under one arm, with which he had attempted to escape — On the breastwork over the fire-place was the distinct impression of a bloody hand, where the unhappy victim probably supported himself before he fell. The whole house seemed covered with blood, and near the body of the murdered laid the deadly axe.

From the surviving daughter we have no account of this transaction; her dangerous situation prevents any communication, and but faint hopes are entertained for her recovery — From the son, aged 17, we learn the following — That he was awaked by the piercing cries of his mother, and involuntarily shrieking himself, he leapt from his bed and ran towards the door of his apartment; he was met by his father with an axe in his hand (the moon shone bright) who struck him, but being so near each other, the axe passed over his shoulder and one corner of it entered his back, making a slight wound; his father then struck at him once or twice and missed him; at this moment his younger brother, who slept in the same bed with him, jumped from it, and attempted to get out at the door; to prevent this the father attacked him which gave the eldest an opportunity to escape.

During this dreadful conflict, not a word was uttered. From the appearance of the wounds generally, it seems to been the design of Purinton to dissever the heads from the bodies, excepting the two youngest, whose throats it is supposed were cut with a razor. The oldest daughter and second son had several wounds, the probable consequence of their resistance.

We have no evidence to lead us satisfactorily to the motives for this barborous and unnatural deed. Capt. Purinton was 46 years of age, and had lately removed from Bowdoinham to this town — an independent farmer, with a handsome estate, of steady, correct, and industrious habits, and of a good character and fair reputation, and strongly attached to his family. He had been heard lately to say, that he felt much distressed at the unpromising appearance of his farm; that he should be destitute of bread for his family, and hay for his cattle, and dreaded the consequences. The Sunday before his death, it is said, he wrote to his brother and informed him that on the reception of the letter he should be dead, and requesting him to take charge of his family. In the letter was a death's head marked out, and it was sealed with black. — It was found on Monday by his wife, and gave her the greatest alarm and uneasiness. This her husband perceiving, and learning the cause, he attempted to console her by assurances that he had no intention of committing suicide, but that he had a presentiment of his approaching death. Capt. Purinton was a warm believer in the doctrine of universal salvation, though it is not said of him, that he was a bigoted maniac or a religious enthusiast — his whole conduct the day preceding, and during the last and bloody scene of his life, seems marked with the utmost coolness and deliberation. Towards the close of that day he ground the fatal axe, and when the family retired to bed he was left reading the bible. The jury of inquest have brought him in guilty of wilful murder on his wife and six children, and that as a felon he did kill and murder himself — We do not recollect, that the annals of Massachusetts can furnish a transaction so distressing.

The ways of Providence are dark and mysterious! yet God is just! and man, weak man, must tremble and adore!

After the Coroner's Inquest had executed its office, the selectmen took charge of the dead. Their remains in eight coffins were conveyed to the Meeting-house.

Mrs. Purinton and her children were placed in the body of the house; Capt. Purinton in the porch.

Their funeral took place yesterday afternoon, attended by an immense concourse of people.

The public services at the Meeting-house were solemn and pertinent — commenced by a Funeral Anthem — Prayer by the Rev. Mr. Stone — Sermon by the Rev. Mr. Taylor — a Prayer by the Rev. Mr. Merritt.
The bodies of Mrs. Purinton and her children were interred in the common burying ground; Capt. Purinton in the highway adjoining the same, and the bloody axe and razor buried with him.

They were attended to their graves by a numerous and respectable procession, which was arranged by John Davis, Reuel Williams, and H. W. Fuller, esq'rs. appointed and acting as marshals on the occasion.

The procession moved over the bridge and through the principal streets, to the place of interment in the order following order. Senior Marshal — The Coroner and Inquest — Rev. Mr. Haskel, Rev. Mr. Stone — The Corpse of Mrs. Purinton and her six children, according to their ages, supported by bearers attended by pall-holders, followed by the surviving son — Other relations — Selectmen — Clergy — Sheriff of the county — Judges of Courts — Military officers — Magistrates — Citizens. — Marshals — A cart bearing the body of captain Purinton, closed the procession.

The church service was performed at the grave over the body of Mrs. Purinton and children, by the Rev. Mr. Haskel, in a very solemn and impressive manner. The procession then returned to the meeting-house, where the solemnities of the day were closed by another and an appropriate prayer by the Rev. Mr. Gillet.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Back in the Day

Lately, I've been reminiscing about my childhood and how much unsupervised freedom I had outside the house. I would argue that most people my age would agree that "back in our early years," we were allowed to roam the neighborhood and streets without our parents neurotically breathing down our necks. Generations before us had even more independence and leniency from their caregivers. 

With statistics like this at our disposal, how can we NOT worry?
After quite a bit of musing, I realized that we will never live in a world like that again. When I (eventually) become a parent, I know that I would be extremely apprehensive to let my kid frolic around without supervision, and the thought of this depresses me. 

According to the Gallup Poll, Americans perceive increased crime compared to previous years, even though crime statistics have proven an overall decrease in crime rates in the last decades (not a substantial decrease, but enough to merit a mention). So why, with crime on the decline, are parents becoming more and more overprotective of their children?

I've got a theory.

When our parents and their parents before them were kids, accessibility to news and media was limited. They didn't have smart phones with the internet at their fingertips or cable television with multiple news outlets reporting national headlines 24/7. People hitchhiked with strangers without a second thought; nowadays, you wouldn't think twice about getting in a car with a random person - they could kidnap you, drug you, abuse you or even KILL you! Ah! 

Our connection to media has made us painfully aware of all the horrors of the world and monsters that roam the streets just looking for unsuspecting victims. These horrors and monsters have always been here, but in the last few decades they have made headlines and convinced us that it's not safe out there. Boo.

The news and media have made us more paranoid, and perhaps rightfully so, but are Americans overly suspicious? Has the media taken away our chances of ever allowing our children to walk the streets alone without fear of some god-awful thing happening to them?